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The F Word & Coming Out Online

The other night I was watching Sixteen Candles yet again (I can't help myself) on HBO. I was stunned to hear the word "faggot" spoken by characters at least once if not twice.

Juxtaposed against the recent uproar conservative provacateur Ann Coulter caused recently by calling John Edwards the same word, you can see how far we've come in terms of our sensitivity to the reality that words can hurt.

We've also come amazingly far when it comes to the visibility of gay and lesbian teens. Gay/straight alliances have proliferated in high schools across the country and popular teen dramas like The O.C. and South of Nowhere (and others) have had gay or lesbian storylines. But as visibility has increased so has harrassment and bullying of gay, lesbian, bi and transgender youth at school.

At a recent bookstore event in Austin, two staff from Out Youth attended -- and I was so glad they did. In chapter two of Totally Wired, I talk about the risks involved in coming out online.

The Internet has provided a lifeline to gay/lesbian/bi/transgender/questioning teens whose parents may not be understanding. Many of these teens are depressed and can suffer in silence, especially if they live outside of large cities. Being able to connect with other youth going through a similar experience online can often be the only thing that keeps them going.

At the same time, the anonymity and distance the Internet can offer can create a false sense of security when teens decide to open up about their sexuality on a blog or MySpace. Even if they do it under an assumed name, they can still be discovered and "outed" in very cruel ways by their peers.

What I advised the Out Youth staffers and anyone working with young people who may be struggling with these issues is to warn teens of the dangers of revealing this type of information online before they have come out or discussed these issues with parents and friends. If they are not ready to come out to the offline world, they probably shouldn't come out online on a blog or profile that can be traced back to them.

There are many organizations like Out Youth and Lyric where young people can reach out confidentially for support as well as places online where young people could chat anonymously -- this is different from speaking openly about these issues on a blog or profile.

This article originally appeared on the Totally Wired blog.

Paris and Nicole go to Fat Camp

The media is buzzing about the new season of The Simple Life in which scary skinny rich girls Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton take on the role of camp counselor, including counseling kids at a fat camp (or as E! prefers to call it, a weight loss/ fitness camp).

From the Boston Herald: "So what on earth will Richie, who has admitted to having weight issues, promote to the roly-poly kids? Bulimia? Anorexia? And the only fitness Hilton seems to get is walking the red carpet."

From Us Magazine: "You have to hand it to E! There's a subtle genius to hiring a celebrity who's admitted to suffering from an eating problem to counsel people at a weight loss camp -- one who was hospitalized two weeks ago because she forgot that she's supposed to drink things.

But seriously, isn't Paris Hilton the spokestard for a burger chain? This plan is full of conflicts of interest."

From The New York Post: "Sources say Richie and her equally slender partner-in-crime, Paris Hilton, will be strutting around in short shorts."

What's our take? Tune out The Simple Life and tune into tips for helping our daughters create healthy body images. Here is some advice from our new guide, Keeping Kids Healthy in a 24/7 Media World:

• Watch media with your kids. Point out when someone is selling them something that isn’t good for their bodies. Point out how much effort (stylists, trainers, image editing, etc.) goes into celebrities' looks -- it's their job, after all. Point out product tie-ins, advergames, and placements and how they're embedded in media.
• Explain the basics of eating disorders. See if you can find examples of behaviors in media that could lead to any of these diseases.
• Be careful when discussing weight with your kids.They can easily feel criticized, since it's natural for them to be hyper-sensitive about their bodies. Keep the emphasis on health rather than appearance.
• Keep information age appropriate. With elementary school kids, explain how diet and exercise keep them healthy. Middle schoolers can absorb information about obesity, eating disorders, alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. Teens should understand that stars look the way they do thanks to Photoshop, makeup artists, strict diet, and tons of exercise.
• Limit or avoid exposing young kids to commercials. Kids 2-7 often can’t distinguish between ad messages and reality.
• Don't let young girls immerse themselves in fashion magazines -- without giving them some healthy perspective. Studies show that teens who read lots of diet articles are more likely five years later to practice extreme weight-loss measures such as smoking cigarettes, abusing laxatives, and fasting.

Disney's New Princess

OK, so probably almost every parent of a girl under 5 is getting pretty tired of the whole Disney princess phenomenon. How many tiaras and sparkly wands does one child need?

But when Disney announced last week that it created its first black princess -- the star of the New Orleans-based animated musical The Frog Princess, we said: Phew. It's about time.

Black girls need more positive images of girls that look like them. Here's some scary proof: When a 17-year-old filmmaker named Kiri Davis made her award-winning film A Girl Like Me, she recreated the famous doll test from the 50s, asking black children to look at both white and black dolls. Even today, nearly three fourths of the children picked the white doll over the black doll.

So, we congratulate Disney for creating Maddie, The Frog Princess -- even if the motivation has something to do with pushing new products, not just pure altruism. Hopefully, Maddie can do math, too. We'll see when the movie comes out in 2008.

Keep Kids Active During Spring Break

Spring Break is almost here, and while that might mean sunny beaches or ski slopes for some, millions of kids will be spending their time off close to home -- with television, iPods, computers, cell phones, and a host of other media gadgets.

In a world where kids spend an average of 45 hours per week with the media when they are in school, it’s a sure bet that kids on Spring Break are going to look to fill their extended free time with even more television, movies, video games, Web sites and text messages.

Many parents, particularly those who work, can probably imagine that their kids would love to spend their week off sitting on the couch with a remote in one hand and a cell phone in the other. But it’s really important to keep kids active when they are out of school. Spending the whole week staring at a screen isn’t healthy.

Researchers have even begun to suggest that kids tend to be less active when they have more free time than when they are busy in school. A study released earlier this month by Indiana University and Ohio State University found that young students gain more weight over summer vacation -- when they should be most active -- than during the school year. The researches said children are spending too much of their summer vacation eating snacks, watching TV, and playing video games and that parents need to be more involved.

As parents prepare to have their children out of school for Spring Break, Common Sense Media recommends they spend some time thinking about how they’ll manage kids’ media use during the week.

It’s not that parents have to tell their kids: "No media during spring break!" But it’s a good idea to set some ground rules with your kids and stick with them.

To help parents manage kids’ media use over Spring Break, Common Sense offers the following tips:

Set boundaries: Talk with your kids in advance and set a limit for how much time they can spend each day watching television, playing video games, or IMing friends. Middle and high school kids are old enough to spend lots of time unsupervised, but you’ll want to check in with them and make sure they’re not breaking or bending the rules you all agreed on.

Do your research: It’s OK to let your children use the media for a set period of time each day, but make sure you know what they’re watching, listening to and playing. If you’re going to rent movies or video games for your kids to enjoy over break, make sure the content is age-appropriate. Common Sense has simple, easy-to-use reviews at www.commonsense.com.

Enjoy the media together: Plan a family movie night, take a shopping trip to the bookstore, or rent a video game you can play together. Media is big part of kids’ lives today, and it can be a lot of fun, so make an effort to find media that you and your kids can enjoy together.

Preventing Obesity in Our Kids

The American Academy of Family Physicians put out a tip sheet for parents concerned about preventing obesity in their kids. Among the tips: Limit T.V. watching, and limit fast food to once a week.

We'd like to add something else to that list: Teach your kids to deconstruct media messages. Here are some question to ask your kids, from media education consultant Frank Baker.

1. Why do you think the advertiser put a commercial on this particular program?” This gets to the heart of an important media literacy concept: all messages are designed for a particular audience.

2. “Why do you think advertisers use slogans or catchy music?” You may even ask them to recall other songs or slogans they remember from ads. Many of us can remember a particular phrase or jingle that we heard 10 or 20 years ago.

3. “What is appealing in this commercial? Is it the way the food looks; the happy family seen eating the food; the nice colors and backgrounds?” Remember commercials are constructions, and every detail is studied so that it has mass appeal.

4. What might the advertiser be leaving out of the commercial and why?” Most ads for food are not designed to tell us the nutritional values. Encourage your kids to look elsewhere for the missing information.

5. ”Does it make a difference to you that a celebrity was in that commercial?” Teach your children about the popular techniques ad-makers use, such as testimonials from celebrities -- or everyday people. This will help your kids know how they’re being influenced.

6. Here’s another idea: Consider muting the sound during commercials and asking your kids to provide dialogue. Ask, “What are they saying?”, “What music is playing?” This will help them become more aware about popular techniques -- and may be kind of amusing, too.

Food For Thought: Media to Digest for Healthier Kids

March is National Nutrition Month, so Shaping Youth is adding to the ADA’s Eat Right Web resources with some fun and worthy positive picks in food media to share with your kids, boost their media literacy IQ, and counter-market the cartoon pitches for empty calorie crud. Here goes:

I’ve always loved the SmartMouth interactive site for kids, but my new discovery is the U.K.’s “Which?” site, revealing kids’ food marketing ploys in a fabulously engaging digital ditty called “The Interactive Bedroom.” The cartoon door entices, “Knock, Knock! Open the door to find out who’s manipulating our children’s diets!”

Click through their interactive media as cartoon bubbles and factoids note the impact of celebrity endorsements, food playset product tie-ins, online gaming, branded playgrounds, in-school promos, lunchbox snack attacks, viral marketing, clubs, incentives and irresponsible hammering of unhealthy food choices into the pop culture with kids and you’ll see why we feel so undermined...it’s not your imagination!

Their glib site is brilliant, and their “Food Fables” report and genetically modified food explanations are enough to convert even the most diehard, anti-regulatory, free market foodie to call for ethical guidelines in food marketing to kids!

For animated shorts that wallop with impact, check out the Food Film Fest site which the fun-loving folks at the Mouth Revolution blog shared. (Also read their blurb on Girl Scout Cookies finally doing something about transfats, yay! Thin mints, ho!)

I’ve written about the Meatrix trilogy, Mouth Revolution, SuperSize Me and the snarky animation on "gassing" meats for eye appeal, but this meaningful film fest media runs an even deeper gamut into the documentary realm. Some cartoon clips are funny. Some inspire. Some jolt you into action. All entertain.

Insightful films touch on the environmental impact of the food we consume (Sierra Club’s “True Cost of Food”) genetically modified food, (The Future of Food) the politics of food, (The Global Banquet) and more.

You may end up shaking your head about the massiveness of the food chain conundrum but at least you’ll see the whys of how we got here, what we can do, and where we need to go for kids’ health and well-being. Add this to your media diet, and enjoy!

TV's Wifey Fetish

This article was written by Sara Libby and originally appeared on the Popandpolitics.com blog. It is reprinted here with permission.

From the catty and vacant girls on shows like America’s Next Top Model and Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll to the sexed-up, lingerie-clad corpses on C.S.I., women mostly get short shrift on TV. A new trend is making females even more one-dimensional. The names of the shows say it all.

Lifetime is getting ready to premiere Army Wives, a scripted drama about, you guessed it, women married to soldiers. The show follows in the footsteps of the BBC series Footballers’ Wives, which spawned an American version on ABC starring James Van Der Beek. And, although The CW left a little more to the imagination in the title of its series The Game, that too is based on the wives and girlfriends of football players.

Why does it continue to be so bankable to define women solely by their relationship to men?

On The Game, the main character (played by Tia Mowry) gives up going to Johns Hopkins Medical School to be closer to her boyfriend, a third-stringer for a fictional San Diego team. Rather than focusing on Melanie’s academic career and her conflicted feelings over missed opportunities, the show suggests her main worries are fending off girl-groupies and dealing with image consultants.

Certainly there’s nothing wrong with being someone’s wife or girlfriend. But by making such a big deal out of the word “wife”— whether in the show’s title or as a key part of the premise— these programs suggest that anything else these women may accomplish in their lives is less significant— or at least less entertaining to TV viewers everywhere, which is almost equally depressing. Betty Friedan is either spinning (again) in her grave or just happy there not to have a TV.

Prime-Time Torture

Before 9/11, fewer than four acts of torture showed up on prime-time television each year, according to Human Rights First, a nonprofit, nonpartisan international human rights organization.

But over the last five years, the number of scenes of torture and abuse our kids see has grown into the hundreds, with regular appearances on TV shows like 24, Lost, and Heroes -- which are watched by millions of teens and tweens.

Not only has the number of scenes increased, but the torturers have changed. Now, being a torturer no longer automatically makes you a "bad guy"; TV heroes like 24's Jack Bauer regularly inflict horrible -- and illegal -- pain, in the name of patriotism and safety. Which begs the question: What is the impact of these scenes on our kids?

While producers claim that kids know the difference between TV torture and real torture (see Jane Mayer's excellent New Yorker article), others aren't so sure. Mayer quotes a report by the Intelligence Science Board (an advisory panel to the U.S. intelligence community) that says "most observers, even those within professional circles, have unfortunately been influenced by the media's colorful (and artifical) view of interrogations as almost always involving hostility."

We all know that the media can normalize anti-social behaviors -- we see it all the time. But when we show torture as essential to American freedom, we're sending a message to our kids that needs some course correction.

Here are a few things to discuss with your kids about torture scenes in movies and on television:

Torture is illegal under U.S. and international law. Gary Solis, a retired law professor who designed and taught the Law of War for Commanders curriculum at West Point, told Mayer that "Jack Bauer is a criminal. In real life, he would be prosecuted."

Ask your kids if they think the law should be sacrificed for security. You can share U.S. Army Brigadier General Patrick Finnegan's opinions with them. Finnegan, who is dean of West Point Military Academy, has a clear point of view. He thinks that glamorizing torture is "toxic" and that it has affected the training and performance of real American soldiers.

Why do your kids think that there's never any serious dialogue or moral anguish shown about torture in entertainment? It's true that some characters question the abusive tactics, but real moral discussions rarely create gripping entertainment. Remind your kids that -- first and foremost -- these are TV shows and movies whose entire purpose is to entertain, not enlighten. If a story is made more dramatic by the inclusion of an illegal act of torture, then that's probably what we, the audience, is going to see.

Take a look at the Web site www.primetimetorture.org. Have your kids look at it. Make sure they really understand what they're seeing. Then they can decide for themselves what they think about the tactics shown in so many popular shows.

Find more parent tips from Common Sense Media on Minti, a free community site for parents. Go to: commonsensemedia.minti.com

Kids Getting More Obesity Surgery

Need more evidence that obesity is becoming a big problem with kids? According to new research, American teens are having obesity surgery at soaring rates.

The surgery rates for 12-19 year olds tripled between 2000 and 2003, and as many as 1,000 teens may have obesity surgery this year. (Read the full story from the Associated Press here)

Since 1960 the number of kids who are overweight has tripled; childhood obesity is now described as "epidemic" by the medical community. The American Academy of Pediatrics calls the costs associated with childhood obesity "staggering."

Of course, media plays a big part in the obesity problem. There's a direct link between hours of media consumed and calories consumed. A preschooler's risk of obesity jumps 6 percent for every hour of TV watched per day, 31 percent if the TV is in their bedroom.

Helping families think critically about their lifestyle choices is a big part of what we're about -- from helping families limit their media consumption (and develop more active offline lives), to helping them understand the connection between what they see on the screen and what they put in their mouths.

For more on what you can do to fight back against rising obesity rates, check out the latest reasearch, which includes a link to our tip sheet for helping families deconstruct marketing messages.

Also, check out our new guide, Keeping Kids Healthy in a 24/7 Media World, which includes information about promoting strong physical health. It's free to download!

Workshop: The Girl's Guide to Getting REAL Tour

True story:

• 92 percent of teen girls would like to change something about the way they look.
  
• 86 percent of the approx. 10 million American girls and women who suffer from an eating disorder report the onset of their condition by age 20.
  
• 74 percent of girls say they are under pressure to please everyone.

Girls don’t have to let disrespect and unrealistic ideals get them down. They can get REAL instead…

This October, I'm teaming up with the amazing Audrey Brashich, author of ALL MADE UP: A Girl’s Guide to Seeing Through Celebrity Hype & Celebrating Real Beauty, to deliver an empowering workshop for teen girls.

We’ll be traveling to schools, libraries and youth clubs throughout California to speak with girls about how to change their worlds (inside and out). During this interactive workshop, girls will learn how to push past unrealistic ideals and disrespect to reach their potential through these 3 steps:

Step 1 Busting through media hype & negativity!
Step 2 Boosting self-respect & being true to yourself!
Step 3 Speaking out, taking action & changing the world for all girls!

We’ll also be speaking with parents and teachers about how to coach girls around these important issues.

To find out how you can get book a workshop -- or sponsor the event, visit the Respect RX blog.