Post: Setting Limits And Boundaries For Totally Wired Tweens
Setting Limits And Boundaries For Totally Wired Tweens
I was in a cab in Toronto last week when The John Tesh Radio Show came on. I vaguely know of John Tesh from Entertainment Tonight and his new age music, but I didn't realize he had a radio show. Anyway, John was talking about Bill Gates and his 10-year-old daughter. Gates allegedly only allows his daughter 45 minutes of online free time a day (in addition to homework). He lets her spend an hour online during weekend days.
I found this really interesting -- obviously Gates is communicating to his daughter that spending time hanging out or playing games online should be done in moderation. It's a pretty strong message and a fairly restrictive limit. It would be so easy to spend two hours online just IMing and playing games as a 10-year-old.
In the parenting chapter of Totally Wired, I emphasize that every parent is different in their values, philosophy and style/approach to these issues. Today a reporter asked me if I had some blanket advice for parents of tweens, and as I spoke to her, I realized, yes, I do.
I define tweens as kids ages 8-12:
Keep the computer in a public space: Even if you have more than one - tweens are not really old enough to have computers in their bedrooms with the door shut. Plus you can periodically look over their shoulder and occasionally check their browser history.
Tweens are not old enough for teen/adult social networking sites: This means no MySpace, Bebo, etc. They're technically not old enough to sign up, but they can easily fake their age. Make sure they don't -- these virtual publics are a mix of teens and adults, and tweens are just too young to play in this space. Sites I recommend: Club Penguin (for younger tweens), Zoey's Room (for girls), Imbee, Nicktropolis and Whyville.
Insist on knowing who is on your tween's IM buddy list: When they get older, you can probably relax this, but from 8-12, you have every right to know. This is also the time when cyberbullying is most rampant so be sure and talk about proper netiquette to your tween as well as warn them about sharing passwords.
Take a cue from Mr. Gates: Set time limits for recreational computer use. Make sure your tween is still reading books, exercising and spending some time playing outside. Balance is key.
This entry originally appeared on Anastasia's Totally Wired blog.
There are 2 replies to this post
Date: March 6, 2007
What's the difference between a social networking site like MySpace and an ordinary message board, or even a blog such as this? I go on message boards for various topics, with people of all ages talking intelligently and appropriately. If people are worried about online predators with social networking sites (is that the major concern with tweens?), why not just enroll them in martial arts so they can defend themselves in such a situation? Instead of saying no social networking until my kids are 15, for example, I could just as easily say no social networking until they have their blue belt.
Date: March 7, 2007
==What's the difference between a social networking site like MySpace and an ordinary message board, ==
I know of no reports of 'ordinary' blogs and message boards that attract the numbers of cyber-predators as does MySpace, et al. That doesn't mean all ordinary boards are safe, or that everyone on MySpace is a pervert.
It is just that far more shadowy-type people hang out at MySpace.
And as my son and I study martial arts, while it does provide good, defensive skills, a little caution online certainly doesn't hurt.