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“How I Got Thin”

Did this headline make your heart flutter with hope? Did it make you want to rush to the bottom of this post so you’d find out the secret to happiness? Almost every celeb magazine on the stands in the past few months has run this coverline next to the “after” photos of closely watched stars: Janet Jackson, Britney Spears, the American Idols, and Jessica Simpson.

Celeb glossies aren’t even bothering to slap these canned articles with new headlines. Why should they? They all contain the same prescription -- as in restrictive eating, body obsession, and yogabosuboxalates exercise regimes -- along with kudos to stars for dropping the weight. And nevermind going through the old motions of trying to shape these articles into so-called health stories. Does “How Jessica got THIN for her new man” sound “healthy” to you? Sometimes the stars themselves are not even interviewed for the articles. The magazine just anoints them newly skinny and super successful as a result.

These “celebrity wasting syndrome” stories are not the declarations of independence they claim to be. Rather, they’re proof of the largely mass-media induced Stockholm syndrome in which women and girls are loyal to the get-thin culture that enslaves and harms us. Sometimes we trust these body ideals and take them on as our own. Sometimes we use them to pour alcohol on our growing emotional wounds and deep-seeded feelings that we are not enough. And sometimes we use these celeb weight-loss cover stories as roadmaps to a (dangerous) way of life. At its worst, the THIN quest is passed from mom to daughter and can play out like this riveting documentary uncovers for some of the 5 million people in the U.S. who have *documented* eating disorders.

For me, the stroke of midnight this New Year’s Eve was finally NOT marked with the start of a white-knuckle diet of any sort (and it didn't begin with a thin-media hangover, either). For myself and girls everywhere, I've committed to something more: How to NOT live thin. And I even made it past January 1st.

Not that I don’t want more for myself this year. I want to: keep trusting my gut; remember that everything will be OK; get regular sleep, sunlight, walks, talks; laugh more and vacation more; read something more tantalizing than my bills; hang with my friends more (and remember important things like their b-days and their kids’ b-days); and connect with more mentors and role models.

Because the real me cares about more than how a woman (or myself) “got thin.” I want to know how she got filled up and sustained. I want to know how she honors herself—her true self. I want to know how girls are following their dreams and building new skills and changing their worlds (inside and out). I want to know how that wise woman I admire stopped trying to fit her square peg into a round hole.

And I want to devote my energies to more than spending another 5,840 hours this year racking my brain about how to lose weight, get fit, get noticed, get into that outfit and get love. Because honestly, isn’t that what this “How I Got Thin...” game is all about: Trying to fill the void of deep deprivation many of us feel? Maybe we feel deprived of: basic care * judgment-less living * intimacy * satisfaction at the end of each day that we are doing what we were born to do * the belief that we do matter * safety * the understanding that we are here for a reason * simple pleasures * R&R * joy * being heard...

The women and girls I talk with all the time seem to be mostly deprived (a little or a lot) of the unconditional, yummy love we all deserve -- especially from ourselves. So here’s my pitch for girls and women everywhere: Don’t settle for binging on diet articles/content/programs this new year. Go ahead and deprive yourself of this misery. Instead, dig in and feed yourSELF. Live phat not thin. Not sure where to start nibbling? Here are the 3 ways I’m indulging my craving for richer self-respect:

Resolution No. 1: Asking for help
This has to be my favorite Respect Basic right now. You know that thing that is gnawing at you year-after-year or minute-by-minute? That thing that makes you want to bang your head against a wall, cry like a baby, or dig a hole to the center of the earth so you can hide until the next century? Now, if you want *it* to stop eating at you, put it on your plate. Pick something big and juicy -- but not unless you’re willing to reach out for support or *it* could swallow you (or already has). Then call a friend. Call a helpline. Call your doctor. Call a therapist or counselor. Or do some Web research and then make that call. Go to a free support group or your place of worship. Just reach out.

Resolution No. 2: Setting more boundaries
Forget being thin. I just don't want to be spread too thin anymore. As a friend told me: I’m saying No to more things, so I can say Yes to the big things. I’m turning down stuff right and left so I can have a little room to accept the things I really want when they come my way—or to have more time to make them happen. So No I can’t write you a 5-page letter of recommendation for the 5th time, but I can send some words of encouragement your way. And No I can’t paint your house, but I can suggest some jazzy colors. And I’d like to chair that committee, but I’m all booked up sitting in my reading chair Tuesday nights. But Yes oh Yes, I can come to your school to talk to girls about how we can spread respect for all. Where do I sign? Another boundary I’m setting: I’m going on another celeb mag fast (see RESPECT page 62). I don’t want to feed the beast anymore (even for “research”).

Resolution No. 3: Being more honest
By default, being honest is a Respect Basic. It’s everything. To respect yourself is to be honest about who you are, what’s OK (and so not OK) with you, and what you believe in. Being honest also goes back to the first thing: Admitting when you need help. To keep boosting my self-respect—and start getting past some annoyingly repetitive hurdles—I’ve had to be super honest with myself of late. No spin allowed. In fact, I’m scared of what I’ll say next. [Like: I was up until 1 a.m. writing this post vs. sleeping -- help!] But it’s a good thing. Because over the years I’ve put up a lot of fronts (i.e. I don’t need help. I’m right. I’m working out all my problems -- wait, what problems?).

To have a beautiful life, airbrushing over the truth won’t do. Sometimes you need to start on the path to self-respect by admitting any ugly truths to yourself—including when you're being deprived of what *it* is you really need. (One hint: following your passions!) And usually *it* is inside you all along just waiting to be found (or remembered).

This entry originally appeared on Courtney's RespectRx blog, where you can read the complete article.